I still don’t understand it. I would have plotted a different way. Yet, without logic or reason, I still feel God’s goodness. For the gift of Deacon when God didn’t have to give him to us in the first place. For the gratitude that bubbles up in me every time I think of how I got to be his mom. Yes, the grief is relentless, and the sorrow is suffocating….but….I have to believe that the God who moved mountains to bring Deacon to us, and has sustained us through these hellish 8 months, cannot be anything but good.

I’m learning, after eight “19th’s” have come and gone, to look for God’s “I see you’s”. The little gifts He sends throughout the day to get us through. My high school girlfriends coming over with lunch. Friends going out of their way to come by for hugs and to drop Crumble cookies off. Brecken and Aven’s first softball game after last year’s season was cancelled. Sweet texts from family and friends. Prayer. It’s all God’s love out loud.

8 months closer to you Bub. My joy-filled boy. We’re doin’ it.