About

Hi. I’m Lindsey. Wife to Derek. Momma to many. Saved by Jesus. Wrecked by loss, searching for hope, joy, and clean floors.

Kansas gal, married in 2005, we happily started growing our family with the birth of sweet Taryn. Two years after that, we became foster parents and the adventure that is foster care began. In the years to follow we would add Brecken (biological), Aven (foster care adoption), Deacon (foster care adoption), and Madden (private adoption) to our family. Also during that time we would experience a painful failed adoption in the Congo, two heart-breaking miscarriages, dozens of short and long-term foster care placements, a couple home moves, love, laughter, tears, and growth. The beginning of 2020 found us mourning the reintegration of a sweet long term foster placement, happy for her reunified family, but sad for the gaping hole left in ours.

Then, in early September, just two weeks past his 7th birthday, our son Deacon needed to go to the hospital due to an asthma attack. A routine but discouraging part of his life. While being admitted, Deacon’s heart stopped. After substantial time, he was resuscitated but the damage had been done. With lungs too weak and stiff to come off the ventilator, and a brain swelling dramatically from lack of oxygen, our precious Deacon would not wake again. We held him into the arms of Jesus, breathing full and deep, on September 19, 2020. His intended life began that day. And ours stopped.

This blog is to capture my rambling thoughts, our family’s attempts at returning to a world without our son and brother, and my hunt for God’s goodness in a life compounded by loss and grief.